KICHAKA-VADHA PARVA: Chapter 20

Words of Draupadi

द्रौपद्युवाच अहं सैरन्ध्रवेषेण चरन्ती राजवेश्मनि। शौचदास्मि सुदेष्णाया अक्षधूर्तस्य कारणात्॥
Draupadi said Alas, on account of that one skilled in gambling I am under Sudeshna's command, dwelling in the palace in the guise of a Sairandhri.

विक्रियां पश्य मे तीव्रां राजपुत्र्याः परंतप। आत्मकालमुदीक्षन्ती सर्वं दुःखं किलान्तवत्।।२।
O repressor of foes, princess as I am, see what pitiful change has come upon me I am living in expectation of a hopeful future, but my misery has reached its extremity.

अनित्या किल मानामर्थसिद्धिर्जयाजयौ। इति कृत्वा प्रतीक्षामि भर्तृणामुदयं पुनः॥
Accomplishment of purposes and victory and defeat with regard to mortals are of short duration. Thinking this, I am expecting the return of prosperity to my husbands.

चक्रवत्परिवर्तन्ते ह्याश्च व्यसनानि च। इति कृत्वा प्रतीक्षामि भर्तृणामुदयं पुनः॥
Like a wheel prosperity and adversity revolve. Thinking this, I am expecting the return of prosperity to my husbands.

य एव हेतुर्भवति पुरुषस्य जयावहः। पराजये च हेतुश्च स इति प्रतिपालये। किं मां न प्रतिजानीषे भीमसेन मृतामिव॥
That which becomes a cause of a man's victory may become the cause of his defeat as well. I live in that hope.

दत्त्वा याचन्ति पुरुषा हत्वा वध्यन्ति चापरे। पातयित्वा च पात्यन्ते परैरिति च मे श्रुतम्॥ न दैवस्यातिभारोऽस्ति न चैवास्यातिवर्तनम्। इति चाप्यागमं भूयो दैवस्य प्रतिपालये॥
O Bhimasena, why do you not consider me as dead? I am told that persons that give may beg, persons that slaughter may be slaughtered by others, and that persons that ever throw others may be over-thrown by enemies. There is nothing difficult for destiny nor can any one over-rule destiny.

स्थितं पूर्वं जलं यत्र पुनस्तत्रैव गच्छति। इति पर्यायमिच्छन्ती प्रतीक्षे उदयं पुनः॥
It is with this hope, I am expecting the return of favorable fortune; once before where there was water, there comes it back again. Hoping for this change, I am awaiting the return of prosperity.

दैवेन किल यस्यार्थ: सुनीतोऽपि विपद्यते। दैवस्य चागमे यत्नस्तेन कार्यो विजानता॥
When a man's business, although brought into a stage of completion, is seen to be endangered then a wise man should strive hard for the getting of good fortune.

यत् तु मे वचनस्यास्य कथितस्य प्रयोजनम्। पृच्छ मां दु:खितां तत्त्वं पृष्टा चात्र ब्रवीमि ते॥
Immersed as I am in grief, whether you ask me or not I shall tell you in detail, the purpose of these words now spoken by me.

महिषी पाण्डुपुत्राणां दुहिता दुपदस्य च। इमामवस्थां सम्प्राप्ता मदन्या का जिजीविषेत्॥
Queen of the sons of Pandu, and daughter of Drupada, who else but me wishes to live, having been reduced to such a plight?

कुरून् परिभवेत् सर्वान् पञ्चालानपि भारत। पाण्डवेयांश्च सम्प्राप्तो मम क्लेशो ह्यरिंदम॥
() repressor of foes, this my misery surely brings humiliation, O Bharata, on all the Kurus, the Panchalas and the Pandavas.

भ्रातृभिः श्वशुरैः पुत्रैर्बहुभिः परिवारिता। एवं समुदिता नारी का त्वन्या दुःखिता भवेत्॥
Being surrounded by numerous brothers, father-in-law and sons and thus having ample cause for rejoicing what other woman but myself has become so miserable?

नूनं हि बालया धातुर्मया वै विप्रियं कृतम्। यस्य प्रसादाद् दुर्नीतं प्राप्तास्मि भरतर्षभ॥
O foremost of the Bharata race, certainly in my childhood I did some wrongful act to Dhata and through his displeasure I have fallen into such a woeful plight.

वर्णावकाशमपि मे पश्य पाण्डव यादृशम्। तादृशो मे न तत्रासीद् दुःखे परमके तदा॥
Behold, O son of Pandu, the paleness of my complexion which even in the extremely miserable life in the forest could not come over me.

त्वमेव भीम जानीषे यन्मे पार्थ सुखं पुरा। साहं दासीत्वमापन्ना न शान्तिमवशा लभे॥
O Pritha's son, it is you alone that know what happiness had I in my former days, O Bhima; even I, who was thus circumstance, have now sunk in slavery: paralysed in grief I cannot obtain rest.

नादैविकमहं मन्ये यत्र पार्थो धनंजयः। भीमधन्वा महाबाहुरास्ते छन्न इवानलः॥
As the mighty-armed and terrible bowman Dhananjaya, the son of Pritha, lives here, like a fire covered over by ashes, then must I think that all these actions are due to Destiny.

अशक्या वेदितुं पार्थ प्राणिनां वै गतिर्नरैः। विनिपातमिमं मन्ये युष्माकं ह्यविचिन्तिततम्॥
O son of Pritha, it is not possible for people to understand the destiny of creatures. Therefore this your downfall, I think, could not have been thwarted by fore-thought.

यस्या मम मुखप्रेक्षा यूयमिन्द्रसमाः सदा। सा प्रेक्षे मुखमन्यासामवराणां वरा सती॥
Alas, she who has you all resembling Indra always to look after her comforts, even that one, who is so chaste and bears so lofty a station in life, is ministering to the comforts of others who are far below in rank to her.

पश्य पाण्डव मेऽवस्थां यथा नार्हामि वै तथा। युष्मासु ध्रियमाणेषु पश्य कालस्य पर्ययम्॥
Though all of you are alive, behold O Pandava, my plight. It is such as is quite undeserving of me. Lo! how times change.

यस्याः सागरपर्यन्ता पृथिवी वशवर्तिनी। आसीत् साद्य सुदेष्णाया भीताहं वशवर्तिनी॥
Alas! she, who had the entire earth as far as the verge of the sea under her command, is now living in fear of Sudeshna and in subjugation to her. a

यस्याः पुरःसरा आसन् पृष्ठतश्चानुगामिनः। साहमद्य सुदेष्णायाः पुरः पश्चाच्च गामिनी॥ इदं तु दुःखं कौन्तेय ममासा निबोध तत्।
Even she, who had number of dependents to walk both in van and rear, is now walking before and behind Sudeshna. O Kunti's son, listen to another grief of mine; it is unbearable to me.

या न जातु स्वयं पिंपे गात्रोद्वर्तनमात्मनः। अन्यत्र कुन्त्या भद्रं ते सा पिनष्यद्य चन्दनम्॥
Even she, who had never pounded unguents for herself except for Kunti, has been now pounding the sandal (for others) O! let good betide you.

पश्य कौन्तेय पाणी मे नैवाभूतां हि यौ पुरा। इत्यस्य दर्शयामास किणवन्तौ करावुभौ॥
O Kunti's son, behold these hands of mine, they were not so before.” Saying this she showed both of her hands marked with corns.

विभेमि कुन्त्या या नाहं युष्माकं वा कदाचन। साद्याग्रतो विराटस्य भीता तिष्ठामि किङ्करी॥
Even that one, who had never feared Kunti nor any of you, now stays a slave in fear before Virata,

किं नु वक्ष्यति सम्राण्मां वर्णकः सुकृतो न वा। नान्यपिष्टं हि मत्स्यस्य चन्दनं किल रोचते॥
(Always do I remain in fear thinking) what the king of kings will say to me as about the unguents if they are not well pounded; because the king of the Matsya's does not like the sandal pounded by others.

वैशम्पायन उवाच सा कीर्तयन्ती दुःखानि भीमसेनस्य भामिनी। सरोद् शनकैः कृष्णा भीमसेनमुदीक्षती॥
Vaishampayana said Narrating her woes to Bhimasena, O Bharata, the lady Krishna wept silently with her glance fixed on Bhimasena.

सा वाष्पकलया वाचा निःश्वसन्ती पुनः पुनः। हृदयं भीमसेनस्य घयन्तीदमब्रवीत्॥
She, with words tremulous with tears, and sighing repeatedly addressed Bhimasena thus powerfully moving his heart.

नाल्पं कृतं मया भीम देवानां किल्बिषं पुरा। अभाग्या यत्र जीवामि कर्तव्ये सति पाण्डव॥
O Bhima, surely had I committed many sinful acts to gods in my former days. Unfortunate as I am, I am still alive, my death is preferable to me, O Pandava.

वैशम्पायन उवाच ततस्तस्याः करौ सूक्ष्मौ किणबद्धौ वृकोदरः। मुखमानीय वै पल्या रुरोद परवीरहा॥
Then Vrikodara the slayer of hostile heroes, covering his face with the delicate hands of his wife, marked with scars, began to weep.

तौ गृहीत्वा च कौन्तेयो बाष्पमुत्सृज्य वीर्यवान्। ततः परमदुःखार्त इदं वचनमब्रवीत्॥
The powerful son of Kunti, having held both of her hands in his own, began to shed tears, and stricken with great woe spoke the following.